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With an authenticity borne of personal experience, Russian author
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn describes the ordeal of a concentration-camp
prisoner. Ivan, the little character of Solzhenitsyn’s book One
Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich, was sentenced to ten years
of forced labor in a Siberian concentration camp. On one occasion,
after failing to convince an unsympathetic guard that he needed medical
attention, Ivan posed a question profound in its simplicity, “How can
you expect a man who is warm to understand a man who is cold?”
How, indeed. And how can one expect a nonaddict to understand an
addict? It certainly is a challenge. People who want to relate
effectively to alcoholics and addicts must somehow, develop a personal
awareness of the compelling power of destructive habits. The method
of standing on the upper rungs of the ladder and telling people who
don’t even know where to place their feet to “come up where we are”
is of no value. Addicts run from people who have a superior attitude,
and they can literally spot them a mile away. We must enter into the
experience of the addict – enter into the feelings of the suffering
person – if we want to be helpful. Only those who have been cold
can understand what it means to be cold; only those who have experienced
their powerlessness can understand what it means to be overcome by addiction.
If we are to be channels through which the refreshing waters of
compassion flow, we need to recognize that other people suffer in ways
of which we are not aware. In other words, in order to be of service,
we much overcome self-righteousness and judgmentalism – a feat that
can be as difficult to accomplish as overcoming addiction!
Humility is the key. “The humblest workers, in cooperation
with God, may touch chords whose vibrations shall ring to the ends of
the earth and make melody throughout eternal ages.”* This line by a
spiritually insightful author inspired my husband and me to establish
The Bridge in 1974, although we had very little going for us but good
intentions. Since then we’ve learned a lot about ourselves, our own
compulsivity, and the incredible power of destructive habits. It would
seem that we had to start a recovery program in order to discover that
we ourselves were addict/codependents!
We didn’t have a business plan that called for us to identify ourselves
in this manner, believe me! We weren’t aware that we were (dys)functioning
out of personal histories of pain and trauma that placed us a high risk
for dependency disorders. Certain events in our early lives led us to
overcompensate in potentially addictive ways. We became compulsive
overdoers of everything, and in the process developed unhealthy
dependencies of work, food, religiosity (as opposed to true spirituality),
caretaking, and control – among other things.
Our excessive behavior gradually brought us to the point of emotional
exhaustion (depression). At that point, we recognized our vulnerability
and sought professional help. Being humbled in this way prepared us to
do the job God had given us to do. No longer did we have to try to
“understand” addicts. We were addicts.
Although the experience of recognizing and admitting our powerlessness
was serendipitous for my husband and me, I suspect that it is a necessary
point of departure for anyone hoping to be of service to addicts and
alcoholics. I would hasten to add that I don’t believe such an experience
can be contrived. Only God can bring it about.
Nevertheless, if you have a desire to help addicts, I suggest that you
begin by studying your own behavior with a willingness to notice the
ways in which you are preoccupied, driven, or in any way excessive.
When you do this, you are – in effect – stepping down from the higher
rungs of the ladder and identifying with those you are trying to help.
Such humble self-examination offers an additional benefit: By discovering
your own addictive tendencies and addressing them before they become
full-blown, you may prevent disasters in your own life!
*Ellen G. White, The Ministry of Healing (Nampa, Id.: Pacific
Press, 942), 159.
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